4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, a]">[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
One of my favorite things in the world is my easy afternoon wrapping up some thoughts and chilling out with some cool friends.
During the first quarter of 2009, I personally thought that this year was going to be easier but in fact, it's still stressful and tiring.. not less than last year. I was groaning, I haven't thought much about the house in heaven but I once in a big while had a thought about a short cut to go there. I was depressed and tired of the same problem solving. I kept hoping that soon it would pass and new day would come with joy. I always think positive and find the best out of any circumstances.
I stumbled and I failed...................................and no, I did not want to arise. I wanted to lay down, I let my hope went away...
How long? O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1)
So, I let my thoughts drifted away and it would be soon recalled. I could feel nothing but the truth always remains. God loves me. It's hard to believe though when I could not feel. It was like they told you that your parents loved you but they never acted anything like that-sorta.
At that moment I needed prayer as much as I needed air to draw my breath or oxygen to fill my blood...A void was behind me. And in front a wall, a wall of darkness. -Georges Bernanos
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?(Psalm 13:2)
I am experiencing God's presence as well as God's absence. I'm praying for cleansing because there's a lot of pollution on my mind. I'm seeking God, not happiness for I know feelings go away but God first then joy comes. I've learned to response to the silence of God in two ways.
1. Go into depression, guilt and self-condemnation.
2. To have expectation that God will bring me to a deeper knowledge of Himself.
Hope that the change will come...
so..I wait patiently for the Lord,
and He heard my cry.
