Happy New Year 2011

Dear Melbourne,

It’s been a great year for me and my spiritual journey (I know it’s going to be a long one)

Q: why Melbourne?
A:Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how I grow.

I know now that nothing can ever get me down again because my God is not a poor workman. He saved me. He made life hard or it’s already hard I don’t know but to be sure He wants me to know that He will help…

Difficulties are growth stimulators.

God is the strength that keeps me walking. His unconditional love has no limits. I’ve learned to reckon with God every moment and let Him be my source of direction and inspiration.

I am called to be satisfied exclusively with Him. He wants me not to look at things I want. He wants me to keep looking upon Him. He wants me to be content so I would be able to experience the love that exemplifies my relationship with Him and this is perfect love.

He wants me to know that He loves me. He is almighty. I believe and am satisfied.

Thank you Melbourne, I haven’t had enough of you yet and praise to be God. I am doubled grateful.

Happy New (joys)Year 2011.

Christmas #1 : Life after a break-up

This sounds paradoxical:)

My first break-up was a very painful one, on the other hand, it was the very best that happened to me.

My past passion is dead now let it rest in peace. 5 days before Christmas. It didn't take me long to figure it out what was it all about. Praise God for a brand new start. Tonight, it was God knocking at my door saying, "Hello, can I come in?" and I had two choices. 1) Tell him to go away because I wanted to be alone or 2) Let him in and savation is forever mine. (Revelation 3:20)

I am being patient with myself. This sounds strange to me. The heartbreak always heals after a while and I am giving myself time. Sadness will go away actually it's gone because I am not depressed. I know I am not because if I am, I won't be able to write things down as I am doing it now. I shouldn't think about what happened. I do everything that take my mind off the negative feelings.
I am giving myself-esteem a boost. I sleep a lot, I eat healthy and excercise. Man, I do love myself. And God loves me. That's all I can remember.

This is a relationship that lasts forever--with God. In Him alone, I always find hope. Believe me, this the greatest gift of all.

Jesus rocks my world this Christmas (again)

Amen to that.

God Wants A Better Future for You-After the breakup

Jeremiah 29:11 - “I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.”

If God led you into a breakup, you should rejoice – it means that God has a better plan for you, a plan “for peace”, and a future “filled with hope”. It is a powerful feeling, to communicate with God and see your life changed for the better. It is essential to the Christian experience to commune with our Creator this way. If you’re a follower of Jesus Christ and you want to grow closer to God, you have help when it comes to making decisions about your personal life. Seek God’s wisdom, and the guided wisdom of those older and wiser than you, and your breakup will have God’s blessing.

Amen-

Let it all out

Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed

cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you

and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

Getting well again.

I will praise you O Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. In your presence is fullest of joy. That's how I want to live my life. Please forgive my sins. I will carry on only becasue of you. You are my strength. I need to face the wound. I can feel the rejection all over every pages. God, I pray for healing in whatever way you may help me. Touch gently my life. Bring me health in body and spirit that I may serve you with all my heart, strength and soul. Lord, have mercy and may your healing hands rest upon me may your lifegiving powers flow into every cell of my body and into the depth of my soul, cleaning, purifying, restoring me to wholeness and strength for service in your kingdom.

Amen.

I give until there is nothing left.

Many times in my life when it comes to me and leaves me a question like "Why me? Why it has to be me who always give?" I've given everything and I have nothing left.

Do I want anything in return when I give? -probably not. I am tired sometimes, like what can I give when I have nothing left.

God, I never asked anything from anyone. I know this is me and you created me this way and I have abundant to give because I have received abundant from you but if this is your purpose for creating me then help me live for your glory. I offer myself to you, Lord. All my life I offer to you and I have nothing left, I am holding nothing else. My job, my family, my boyfriend my everything belong to you, God and I long for you alone. Be my everything. Draw me ever closer to you and make me more like you. .

It's more blessed to give than receive. Let me give cheerfully. I lack of nothing. I have God and God is BIG. Let nothing move me. I have a treature in heaven. I am God's. I'm nothing afraid to give until I have nothing left.

Be with me, that's my desire.

Maintaining a relationship with God...

"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!"- Sex and the City

I think that is true but I'd like to add another relationship which is the most important for me that is the one I have with God. Lately, I felt I was far away from God and everything seemed so hard I thought I couldn't handle it. Being back at home is not what I want, going back to where I was...,that is not going to happen soon. Back to basics, contentment, heck no, I was not content at all for the last few weeks.

Monday 18th, I've dropped everything in my head, then refocused on my relationship with God. Acknowledging that God is in control, and longing for His will to be done, thanking Him all He has done for me. My spirit was lifted. I dismissed my negative thoughts, my attention to other feelings-i.e. being pessimistic. In the battle, being positive can beat negative thoughts and it will always win. It sounds simple but it requires great faith and courage.

Listen to God through reading the bible. I pray that He will help me to live by applying it to my life. Be thankful in all circumstances. Yes, I mean in everything! Now, I see the victory. God is in control and there's nothing He can't do.

It's so hard but I am content and I choose to be with God. If I have to give everything to God in order to get closer to Him. I will. Future, money, boyfriend, troubles, I will trade everything. Why be anxious about tomorrow when it's not going to solve anything. Trade in worries today for God's peace. Trust Him and not worry.... " Will I get accepted into the Uni?, will a long distance relationship work?, will I have enough money, will I get to go back? bla bla bla... Don't be afraid; have courage. Focus on today. I give God my worries, He gives me peace. Great trade. Worry, on the other hand, is the opposite of trust.

So...

Thy will be done. Amen.

Be thankful

This is how I overcome difficulties each day. With God's help, of course. I continue to wait, sit, pray and listen to the silence and to the reality within the silence.

Thank you God for today. I give thanks with a grateful heart. Put faith in God and you will get through it if you persevere.

I had pleanty of problems, not financial but with people. Those verses in the bible, repeatitive prayers. God saved me.

I had a problem, financially and I did put deposit, my faith, in my account soooo...if you've been there before, you know what I mean.

Now that I have problems I know that nothing can ever get me down again. why? Because the strength I need, it doesn't come from me. It comes from God.

Pray without ceasing, like non-stop even silently. It gives me hope. It really does.

Be thankful for everything and everyone. Good or bad, doesn't matter.

I'm just thankful for everything, anything and nothing.

Let's pray and let God be God.

Special thanks:
To ssfchmd, for encouragement and understanding.

Toxic emotions that end with the love of Jesus.

What are toxic emotions, by the way? Anger, depression, shame, guilt, fear? Yes, they all are.

My counselor, Jesus Christ, my God has taught me for years, He has also healed me by giving me the opportunities to experience suffering, and pains. Life is difficult and not always fair, that kind of stuff I am talking about. He has given me choices to choose, to choose to forgive, to choose love, to choose to trust Him and have faith. Choose to believe that God is in control of all situations. Faith is believing that God is in charge and we can rely on Him to do what is best for us. Faith is a choice. No one can make this decision for us.

Seek first His Kingdom and these things will be added to you. ( Matt. 6:33) It means to be grateful for what He has given us, being determined to spend time with him alone and reflect on His Word. It is contrast with striving to control people and situations which is caused “stress”. Stress occurs when our perceptions don’t meet our expectations. Stress reactions release both emotions and negative physical elements we experience in life. When we encounter stresses, we express anger..,etc.

We often feel trapped at being caught or at having fallen victim to our own weaknesses. Guilt and shame create a circle of negative thinking endlessly. Chronic guilt and shame can lead to depression. (Be noted that many reasons can lead to depression) I need to forgive those who wronged me, difficult as it sounds and forgive myself for what parts I’ve played- I have to believe that God has forgiven me, if I can’t or I don’t, I will, however, have to stay with guilt and shame forever. I learned to have “hope, joy, peace”, learned to believe, to appreciate, and the most important one is to love. I received His merciful, and freedom from these toxic emotions.

Many times I don’t even know of what I am afraid of. Maybe fear of some type of loss, loss of control. Fear of abandonment and rejection. The cure for fear is faith. That’s what I learned. Now, it doesn’t matter what I am afraid of. It does matter to have faith in all circumstances.

Pain or hard times, I can never avoid but His promise assures that His presence will be with those who obey Him, at all times. Ps. 23 and John 14:1-4, He promises to bring us through the valley of shadow and to prepare for us the future He desires for us..

I recently read a book and there’s an essay it said about the attitude. “Attitude keeps me on going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.”

My relationship with God is not in my head but heart.

This is the way I want to think and believe.

God is really big! and He can do all things.


(Dedicated this note to myself to reminding me that this is the reason I choose to study psychology. To my greatest counselor, My Lord, Jesus Christ.)

All I can do is...wait

August 30th, here I am again, just got back in Thailand after my 24-week in Melbourne. I am planning to return to Melbourne in 2-3 months, meanwhile, I have no idea what my life will be like during 12 weeks in Thailand.

It's like a miracle. It seems impossible how do I live without having a job. It's hard to tell..but it doesn't scare me much as before. It doesn't mean that I encourage myself to do nothing, in fact, I encourage myself to have more faith. I remember His grace and love for me. He is the God who provides. I can only bring praise and rejoice. In my twenties, He redeemed my soul from the battle, the struggle within. "No pain, no gain"..something like that....

He has given me so much! I got baptized 6 years ago and someone gave me these verses, Joshua 1:8-9 (New International Version)
8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Rome wasn't built in a day. A heart to be transformed takes courage and time. To become a couselor seems to take forever. 6 months passed but 2 more years to go....

It will finish in no time, hopefully.

Step by step..
Each day is a gift..
One day at a time...

My God is big, full of compassion and mercy.

Give me eyes to see your glory.

Everything comes from God.

19 August 2010 : Melbourne

My time has come to an end. My visa will be expired on the 24th. I'm not quite okay with it but I've done my best and I am saddened to write this. Anyway, I've achieved my goal! I got 6.5 on IELTS test within 3 months. It was hard living in a foreign country. It was rough living without having a full-time job. It was difficult living away from friends. It was tough living out of comfort zone. It's puzzling. It's extremely hard facing reality and accepting it but God has mercy on me.

Colossians 3:15-17 (New International Version)

15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I'm very thankful to be here and to be His. He provides me everything. I am fearful to apply for a program which I am interested in that I will be completely inadequate as a student with a stupid reason that I am not a citizen nor permanant resident. It discouraged me at times. But ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN GOD! This is comforting.

Don't allow fear to sit on the throne of your heart -- but make a conscious choice to place the Prince of Peace on the throne of your heart.

I am getting into unfamiliar territory that I don't know about anything but trusting God. All I want to do is to stay in His presence because without Him I can't do anything. It is hard to realize Him every breath I take but I want to. It is not easy to give it all to Him. It is hard to surrender. It is extremely hard to say "not my will but your will be done" by heart but I am willing to.

I seek after God. I seek peace and pursue it. Call me a freak or whatever but I will not let God go. Everything in this world is temporary but I am able to enjoy it all. The best comfort, ironically, is the result of feeling my sadness fully, noticing that I will survive because of His love and grace.

Interestingly, being here in Australia as I also mentioned in my blog when I first got here that I had a new relationship with God-an intimate relationship, and another one that I was talking about the clutter (if you've followed me) Sometimes life is a mess although we try to make it nice and clean but we just can't do it, absolutely not with our own strength. I'm so convinced that “sometimes daughters of God can have messy rooms, and He loves them anyway.”

Everything comes from God. He gives and takes away. It's so true if you know what I mean. I am very thankful for what he has done and given to me. God is God and God is good. This is simple. When people ask you how to trust God? If you believe there is a wind and call it a wind. If you believe, then you can trust. It's almost impossible to me if you believe in God but you don't trust Him. Some people believe in God but find it hardly to trust in Him-that will work for them as they believe so. Have faith. You don't need reasons to see the proof. God is God. Everything on earth belongs to Him. God has given us everything: body, mind, abilities, physical possessions, even protection, not because we've earned or deserved this but He is so GOOD and MERCIFUL FATHER. So,I ought to praise and thank and obey Him.

This is my prayer:

God, I have cried out and yearned for your presence in my life, and I have searched your word to find my answers. I shout praises of thanksgiving. Everything got started in You and finds its purpose in You. To you be all the honor and glory. Your love is so great and I love you. You have reminded me in your word that "The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Help me to turn these fears over to you and trust you for the results--which will surely be freedom.

The truth will set you free and all you have to do is-- seek.

Melbourne, God, and stuffs # 2

"Relying on God"

Week 12 : Another lesson learned.

I let go of wanting what isn't here now. Stepping out of comfort zone is challenging. I'm being stretched to place where I have never known. Who comforts me? God does. Through these years, now that I'm not surprised why things happen, about hardship that beyond my ability to endure. Living in a foreign country is exciting, yet frustrating for the first few weeks. The adjustment is part of living in a foreign country. God bless me. He provides everything.

Friday 28 May 10
12:51am

E- 3
P- 1
H- 6
F- 8

Yes, I monitored myself, not only today but I have been doing this for years. I sank into the great depression last year. With emotional pain, the only key is love and support from love ones. "Nothing taught me more about the love of my father and my friends than my own depression"

How to cope with it?
1> Besides love, focus on diet (avoid sugar), sleep, and exercise.

2> Switching negative to positive. It will go away, nothing stays the same forever. This too, shall pass.

3> Have faith.

The most powerful force is the desire to get well. If you don't want to get better. No one or even God can't force you. I guess this is why most people are trapped in their depression. They would probaly want to get out but somehow staying in depression made them feel safer, later on if they stayed long enough. It'd give them the feeling that they felt better to stay there than getting out to face anything and everything in the world. Depression became real.

4> Acceptance. The road is not meant to be easy. Life is difficult.

Melbourne, God, and stuffs # 1

March 2010

Faith vs Fear

"God is in control" How many times I have to repeat it?

Do you try to control things because you are afraid that if you don’t have control bad things will happen, or good things won’t happen? What is driving your actions?
What are you afraid of? Fear will cause you to be discouraged.(Yet, I still fear)Faith encourages you to move forward.(sometimes, I just choose not to)

I accept that I fear, I let it in and I let it go. I observe my feelings..until something wonderful happens. It does happen!

I shall fear no more for I saw yesterday and love today. God is the one.

No fear in love..
I have abundant to give..
And..I will continue to do so..

I rely on God and the best is yet to come.

Looking ahead

13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

Who knows about tomorrow?

This is the 3rd week, I have been adjusting slowly. I'm trying to make the most of it even though it has been difficult at times being away from home. Life here is slower than in Bangkok. I always used to be busy so I don't really know how to deal with a slower pace of life-sort of. Ask me about tomorrow? Dude! Today, I don't even know how to survive. One day at a time! Yes, I can't help but wonder or sometimes doubtful what am I going to do with my future, school, life and bla bla bla...*sighs*

God only knows...

This is what I am doing, I will be thankful for each day. I'm thankful for the little things e.g. my blanket, skype, weather, foods, tram driver, teacher, classmates, church, friends, coffee, post, and etc.,

I am having a new relationship with God. Before I came here, I thought I had a really really good relationship with Him. In fact, that's true but if relationship means how to be connected or related with someone then this is going to be an another deeper level- "an intimate relationship" that I have never had with Him before.

So I sit quietly and wait for Him. You can't know someone you don't spend time with. Over a period of time, intimacy develope as a result of close contact with someone. Trust is built, confidence grows and heart changes.......

I'm not looking that far, I'm looking for today to be in His presence in everyday.

And..

"It takes two to tango"

Press on

People : "How long have you been in Melbourne?"
Me : "7 days"

God is the God who provides and forever He is faithful. He does not love me less, yet keeps showering me blessings and love in everywhere.

First couple of days here, I felt lonely and unsettled but my friend's sister has been very nice to me. She has helped me to settle in, showing me around and cooks thai foods for me. So, I don't miss thai foods or thai language. I don't miss anything in Bangkok but people- the ones I love. I have been around in the city of Melbourne, trying to get direction and observe people and everything. The difficult part is to get used to with the weather. It will take another week to get used to it- I guess. I'm still used to with Thailand time which is getting better, I expect that next week I will adjust better with Melbourne's time because I am starting Language school:)

It's Sunday and I'm very thankful that I was able to go to church this morning. They welcomed me with God's love. In the Kingdom of God, wherever you go you know that you're not alone though I don't know all of them yet but in Christ, I'm loved indeed and through His people, I'm very encouraged to press on and reminded myself that I am here to reaching my goal. It will not be easy but along the road but I will enjoy learning new things with His people, cultures differences and etc.

God is faithful. I am thankful for this opportunity that He has allowed me to be here in Melbourne. I even thought to myself " Would I be able to to do this?, Could I do it? to pursue a degree in Psychology?! It was not like in a movie. It's very difficult.. to get there..

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

I can't do this alone. I put all my trust in Him because that's the only one thing I can do right now.

Seek first, His kingdom.



Special Thanks:
N'Mai-thanks for getting me in touch with P'Biee.
P'Biee-very lovely sista and you are too good to be true. Thank you so much.
My family, my best friends and love ones- for love and support.
N'Tool-God is a God who really provides:)

Following Jesus is more important than any career

First time I felt the tug of Jesus on my heart..it was during crisis of my life, it was when I was unemployed, it was a big challenge. Trust Him or never. I had nothing to lose and why wouldn't I? That was the BEST shot I ever gave and I've experienced Psalms 23 which I'll never ever forget how He is my savior, my king and my all in all.

I am following Him myself and I know that I am sinful. Sometimes, I was afraid what He would ask me to do...,do something I didn't wish or want to. I was dreaming long time ago and was just interested in psychology. Six months ago, I really wanted to study. Three month ago, I'd like to know more about it and was so interested in integration of Christianity and psychology. Daydreaming about one day I could do something or have meaningful job and live a meaningful life. It's not about the future, it's about now and when God's in everyday life, things seem to be meaningful and I am fulfilled. When God's in everyday of your life..., you don't need anything plus you can do anything (I'm not saying it's easy) I have been asked to surrender, and offer HIM myself wholeheartedly ...(you wanted to ignore but you couldn't!if you know what I mean) suddenly, you think to yourself "I'd better give it to Him" and when you do it, the heaviness became lightness, then you experience "grace" and you tell him "thank you for lifting it up, I feel a lot better and now what can I do to thank YOU?".

"Go", that's what He said.

"Go where?", I still wondered.

He didn't tell where to go but instead he was giving opportunities to choose. And how am I supposed to know what is the right choice?? The last post I said "If glorifying God means to be satisfied with Him first" then answer is already here.

If you see a fish tattoo on my wrist, it was about to remind me what I had experienced with him (I didn't even know what that was, I got a tatt just to remind me what I experienced) I assumed it's the calling.

I'm leaving in a month, going to where I've said above. It's so crazy.., but it's real, it was like a dream but it's real, so real. I'm not dreaming but I'm living a dream. He is not just God but LIVING GOD. I can go anywhere in the world and I know that He is with me.

A long road ahead of me, I can say I am so afraid but I am not afraid. I'm not confused, I am conscious and being aware of not so beautiful as in my fantasy world. This is how I am living my life, to follow my Lord Jesus.

Have faith. (although it' so a little)

Believe and be satisfied in Him.

Until our roads lead us to home.

p.s. don't forget to give what you've gotten. Pass it forward.