Tough one

Philippians 4:8 (New King James Version)

Meditate on These Things

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

I have been pondering..this...for a couple of days. Some moments I couldn't get out of evil thoughts that leading me to have negative perpective on things. It was not bad. I am not a super woman who has super power.

Whatever things are true. Everything or anything that is true. True means consistent with fact or reality. The world is so dying and we are called to love. (I admit I do hate from time to time)

Considering these, I have to choose whatever things are noble (น่านับถือ), things are just (ยุติธรรม), things are pure (บริสุทธ์), things are lovely(น่ารัก), things are of good report (ที่ทรงคุณ)....if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Meditate on these things-->think about it deeply, in mind ( how can we not forget about it the next day?--that's my question)

I have to choose. There's always the fight inside of me. Some day it is a very long fight. I have to choose. Yesterday, I talked to my boss who empoweres me to live each day. He talked about the "WILL", to yearn for, a desire to do so and remember/recognize who we really are. I am empowered by grace of God.

It's never been easy for days and nights but God never leaves us. He never leaves me. He comes too slow sometimes so that I can learn about those things and know how much I NEED Him.

Too Much By Leeland
I need a place a sanctuary
A refuge for my ordinary
Finally familiar peaceful home
Untroubled safe from all this madness
Refuge for my hope and sadness
Possible to find myself alone
At home

I've found my home again
I finally find myself in You
I finally find myself in You
I feel safe again
You're the one I'm running to

I need nothing but Him. He's all I want. Can I just get Him whenever I want? No. You are created to be difficult and complicated so that you will be desperately NEEDED Him. If it's easy, why do I need God for?

That is simple tough one.

I'm forever grateful...

That you've been faithful...

to my Lord..thanks for an amazing grace.

Pray through — until praying is not hard. Pray until you enjoy
it, because you have broken through the things of your flesh
and this world that would hold you back from enjoying daily
fellowship with your Father God.

I could choose to go by how I feel.., to be miserable, fighting all the blues..bla, bla, bla

But..I choose to be thankful for He has been faithful..to me.
Human beings by their very nature are selfish...

until Agape love comes...

My soul awaits for you..alone

Psalm 23:4

⁴ Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, ^a]">[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.


One of my favorite things in the world is my easy afternoon wrapping up some thoughts and chilling out with some cool friends.


During the first quarter of 2009, I personally thought that this year was going to be easier but in fact, it's still stressful and tiring.. not less than last year. I was groaning, I haven't thought much about the house in heaven but I once in a big while had a thought about a short cut to go there. I was depressed and tired of the same problem solving. I kept hoping that soon it would pass and new day would come with joy. I always think positive and find the best out of any circumstances.

I stumbled and I failed...................................and no, I did not want to arise. I wanted to lay down, I let my hope went away...

How long? O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1)

So, I let my thoughts drifted away and it would be soon recalled. I could feel nothing but the truth always remains. God loves me. It's hard to believe though when I could not feel. It was like they told you that your parents loved you but they never acted anything like that-sorta.

At that moment I needed prayer as much as I needed air to draw my breath or oxygen to fill my blood...A void was behind me. And in front a wall, a wall of darkness. -Georges Bernanos

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?(Psalm 13:2)

I am experiencing God's presence as well as God's absence. I'm praying for cleansing because there's a lot of pollution on my mind. I'm seeking God, not happiness for I know feelings go away but God first then joy comes. I've learned to response to the silence of God in two ways.

1. Go into depression, guilt and self-condemnation.
2. To have expectation that God will bring me to a deeper knowledge of Himself.

Hope that the change will come...
so..I wait patiently for the Lord,
and He heard my cry.