I am ready to obey

1am in the morning as I am still awake unusually...

Hmmm, here comes the thought that I own nothing..even my life belongs to God and why I am thinking I lost everything. Money is not mine, x-boyfriend is not mine, the apartment is not mine, nothing is mine. Everything belongs to God. God owns everything.

Wow...,I feel so light right now. The best is God's purpose for me at the present moment as I feel that I have nothing right now but God. Period!

God wanted to have a relationship with me and I know he has longed for that. Now with His help, I shall not only become myself but also His and I wanted to have a relationship with Him. Another period!

I'm giving a credit to Mike Foster for this blog as I follow him on twitter and tonight he posted this, "Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." I was a big fan of the past (in a good way) I mean we were good friends, we had good memories together and good friends chatted about the past sometimes (in a good way) until at some point, as of now, I think I don't want the past to stay in the present since we have not had any good memories lately. As the past is past, but I let it become a leech sucking my present, my joy. The past that was telling me, I was not good enough. hahaha, it thought it would win but let me tell you, it was wrong. I define myself as God's children, His beloved daughter, his favorite princess. I am worthy and precious to Him. It might be right that I was not good enough BUT not in God's eyes. That's not what He sees me.

You can get me wrong if you want. But good or bad memories today will soon to pass and I am thankful for both. It teaches me and allows me to grow. Lessons form the past are experiences. I define myself as real as me.

So, to have a relationship with God in the name of Jesus, I charge you the past, stay not in the present. Whether good or bad memories, I let you go now and I do not want you to stay in the present anymore. Let me repeat it again whether you are good or bad memories, I thank you and appreciated it. Now is what I want. Now is the most important to me. Now is everything I can have. This is the only one thing I can have and I am not letting go. God is everything.

I cannot let go of God and I won't. You know that I will not.

Seek first the kingdom of God

Excerps from the Prayers of Soren Kierkegaard. A central theme of Kierkegaard’s writings is that of willing one thing. That one thing for Kierkegaard was to seek first the kingdom of God, to remain committed to God in all that he did.

This week I simplify my life with one thing, knowing that all I need will be added to me. Seeking God is filled with promises and pain. The pain I have experienced in the past as a result of seeking God.

DTS

I'm going to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School) in Perth.

Dis-ci-ple-ship n. to turn all people into fully devoted, mature followers of Christ. I don't know if I got the right definition BUT if it is, then those who did a  DTS before me, they just made me one of them.

This is scary, honestly, I don't have money. Early this year, I invested into business and it failed.

My one and only relationship-failed terribly so far.

I got a new job-thankfully-it drains me out.

Here goes my story where the Holy Spirit leads..

Above all else, I thank you, Amy my sister who told me that I should do a DTS since last year.

I refused.

After the break-up, I thought about it but I didn't do it.

April this year, Isaiah 61 really spoke to my heart...

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives..."

Again, I still said "no"

But after NewSong retreat last week- The Holy Spirit moved again but this time I said "YES" to the unknown future I can only trust Him and I am devoted to give all of me to Him. As I mentioned, I invested into a business but failed, my one and only relationship with my first boyfriend-failed. I just feel like I have nothing left BUT God and I realize that God is ENOUGH for me. I have prayed this week and feel led to do a DTS as I started to recognize His voice. And I am following Him.

So, here I am. 

Actually, I was scared at first to ask people for support but if it was what God had for me then He would make away. I sent out emails to my friends about what I was going to do and just over night, I was going to have a heart attack how God answered my prayers FAST! I've got 4 people financially support me to do a DTS.

Money is not a problem for God. He took my heart, a broken one and provided me what I needed. He gave me a new life. I did nothing. I just sin. Ha! Painful truth. He loves me more than anything. 

Listen carefully to the Holy Spirit. Do what He says, go where He leads.

When you have nothing to lose. Put all trust in the Lord. 

And the last thing you can do- HAVE FAITH!

Kolkata, India

If you find it's difficult to pray, ask Him again and again: Jesus, come into my heart; pray in me and with me that I may learn from you how to pray. Don't search for Jesus in far lands. He is not there. He is close to you; He is with you. Just keep the lamp burning and you will always see Him. Keep on filling the Lamp with all these little drops of love, and you will see how sweet is the Lord you love. -Mother Teresa.