Dislocated shoulder

I remember that morning very well. We were up for morning exercise, having fun playing ultimate frisbee. I ran wholeheartedly to grab it, my beautiful bunk maid ran to the same direction, we smashed into each other and I was down. My physiologist friends came to check on me, I was fine, nothing has broken.

15 minutes later, I was walking and arggggg!!! I saw my bone on my shoulder popped to the front where it shouldn’t be. Everyone just left, there was me on the field, I held my breath and my right arm, walking as fast as I could to catch my classmate who was going to cross the street. I called him as I was laying down on the ground, fainted, hurt, and couldn’t move. I heard they called the ambulance, I heard they prayed over me. The ambulance came, they gave me something to inhale, smell not very pleasant. They called me but I didn’t answer. I didn't know when I arrived the hospital, I was half awake half sleep. The nurse gave me morphine, x-ray and x-ray an another x-ray, and I was waiting patiently for the doctor. During that process, they kept asking me the same questions over and over and over and over again and all I could think was “ just pop it back and stop asking me, I am freaking in pain”  but I could not do that, all I did was answering their questions with small breathing in and out and having light headed. Morphine was working! It also felt very comforting when the nurses were around but when they left, the sadness was entering in and I suddenly felt the presence of God and his whisper, “Daddy is here, don’t be afraid, daddy is here” So I talked to Him, “ Help me, for I don’t like being so much in pain like this, put me to death would be easier but if you want me to live, I don’t want to live with pain, help me!”

“Have patience” I believed the Holy Spirit tried to communicate to me that moment. 

God is my comforter.

I was still waiting for the doctor, it was the worst part..but the best part was the morphine that kept me high. Doctor came in, finally, praise the Lord! She talked to me and popped my shoulder back within 5 minutes. The nurse came after to give me instructions. I didn’t really know what was going on. Hayley, the staff who was there the whole time, I told her that Matt. 10:10 became real to me that morning, not because of morphine, but God came to give me life and to live it to the fullest!

A week later after I dislocated my shoulder, it has been really rough. I am right handed and now I have only left hand to do everything. It’s pretty challenging to eat with left hand. I overdid everything and refused to ask for help while my classmates were taking a very good care of me. I was being so hard on myself. I was sad, lonely and waiting patiently for God to answer why everything was taken away from me. One day, He spoke to me directly, “Because I want to give myself to you, Ja” It was a mind blowing revelation for me. That night, He became my lover. His love is like fire and all I want to do is to fall more in love with Him.

The next day He gave me a word “ Receive” He wanted me to receive all that He has for me.

I’m being nice to myself now and receiving help from others. God has helped me to overcome the frustration of having one hand and unable to do things as I used to do.

He is my helper.

In awe of God.

When is the last time you stood in awe of the Lord?

Me: Long time ago maybe 2 years ago until today!

I was blown away by His beauty, His goodness, His awesomeness, His loving and kindness. I looked into the sky, it was like the clouds were performing just for me (and maybe others who looked into the same thing)

That moment...when I wanted more and more of God. God's splendor. God's glory bright, light up over the horizon.

It's S P E C T A C U L A R!

It's really hard to explain when you stand in awe of the Lord. It's just, I don't know, all I know is God cares for me so much, and so very very very much!

Glory be to God. He can have it all.

Compassion DTS : Week 2

I am not a morning person. I wake up sleepily at 5.30am because some people are getting ready to go for a run before 6am morning exercise as it’s scheduled. I always have a hard time going to bed. The light and the noise are not friendly. They keep me and wake me up easily. Getting 6 hours of sleep makes it hard to focus in lectures and unable to cope or functioning well most of the time in the morning plus having bread for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch every day, my body says uh-oh. Morning choirs is at 8am-8.30am then worship and lectures until 12.30pm in order. It’s pretty rough and in rush every morning.

Shall I keep complaining? I hope not. 

I don't have a job, got no money, 3 meals are provided. I should be thankful, therefore, I am thankful and I've learned to be content whatever circumstances. (Philippians 4: 11-12)

January 18th, 2012

My classmates and I are keeping each other’s company, praying for one another. We also give hugs, at least a shoulder for another to lean on. We walk hand in hand when one can barely walk. I am independent. For me, 24/7 doing stuff with people around all the time is killing me. I have free time at 3.30-5.30pm which I can spend time with Jesus alone somewhere around the base. It’s really good to have a quiet time and I found that after spending time with God at least 2 hours, my mind, my thoughts, my emotions, everything changes. It’s drifting from whatever to God and the rest of my day went pretty well since I focused on Him. It should definitely be in the morning before starting the day. I know. I’m working on it.

We are learning about the nature and character of God this week. We are here to pursue God, to seek Him, to get to know him more and more, and to make Him known. Who is God? What does He look like? I should have known Him, right? No, I don’t. Every day, I discover Him a bit more and I don’t think I fully know about Him yet. It’s still an ongoing journey. One day, I found the revelation about being with Him no matter what circumstances, hot or cold weather, rich or poor. I was happy just to be with Him. The next day, nothing has happened, another day there’s still nothing. What’s that? One day during the  class, our guess speaker brought this up and he said. “It’s okay, just press on, keep pressing on no matter what.”

January 19th, 2012

Yesterday, I was very tired, exhausted, crumpy, lousy oh whatever words you can find it fit in. Something has happened when I got to my work duty at 1.30pm on time. I was told that I was late 10 minutes and I should be there at 1.20pm. Should I be informed in advance, shouldn’t I?  She prayed for me before start working then left. What the heck! Another revelation here after an hour processing everything. Fixing my eyes on God. Don’t take anything too personal. They are human being, just as I am. Something has been changing. It’s shifting like the light shines on and the darkness is gone. I felt light again, not to carrying the weight of whatever that just happened. Something was stirring up, I had to paint and I got my painting named

“Gazing upon God’s beauty”

Today, morning sucks as usual, morning exercise, hurry in shower, a bunch of people in the kitchen waiting and making breakfast, morning choirs, sleepy in the lectures, skipped lunch, ran to post office to get children check done for hands on compassion but it didn't work out, the bus came late, I was late for work duty, very hungry, tired, weather is hot and the sun is super strong.

I sat down and asked God to reveal Himself to me, have mercy  on me.

It’s a beautiful day, I would say when I gazed on the beauty of God.

Something has been happening here...

A new Adventure

I am leaving for DTS in Perth tomorrow. I need to write this, at least, to remind myself of what God has done in my life so far.

He is wonderful.
He is amazing.
He is faithful.
He hears my cry.
He comforts me.
He is good all the time.
He is caring.
He understands.
He is Father.
He is a friend.
He loves me.
He blesses me.
He is everything.

He means so much to me. I am nothing without Him. It feels really good to be able to release everything in the past, yesterday included (for better or worse moments are left where it belongs)

I choose to stay here and now.

I am not my own since I have given my whole life to God, with all I have, yes, broken pieces too! He loves it, seriously!

If we were married ( He and me), it did get really better and better.

IT DOES GET BETTER.
GOD AND I.
STATUS : IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Grace be with you.

Focus on God

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” Matthew 16:25


I just want to cry, not because I am sad but I am so happy as I realize how I am loved, and how God views me as precious one. He loves me that much.


I finally understand that...all things work together for gooooood. My eyes...when they focus on God and His promises, not problems, not circumstances. God is what matters most. Love more, give more...that's all.


Jesus is a good example. He could do so many things but He chose to do what the Father wanted him to do.


And I am following...Him.

I am ready to obey

1am in the morning as I am still awake unusually...

Hmmm, here comes the thought that I own nothing..even my life belongs to God and why I am thinking I lost everything. Money is not mine, x-boyfriend is not mine, the apartment is not mine, nothing is mine. Everything belongs to God. God owns everything.

Wow...,I feel so light right now. The best is God's purpose for me at the present moment as I feel that I have nothing right now but God. Period!

God wanted to have a relationship with me and I know he has longed for that. Now with His help, I shall not only become myself but also His and I wanted to have a relationship with Him. Another period!

I'm giving a credit to Mike Foster for this blog as I follow him on twitter and tonight he posted this, "Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." I was a big fan of the past (in a good way) I mean we were good friends, we had good memories together and good friends chatted about the past sometimes (in a good way) until at some point, as of now, I think I don't want the past to stay in the present since we have not had any good memories lately. As the past is past, but I let it become a leech sucking my present, my joy. The past that was telling me, I was not good enough. hahaha, it thought it would win but let me tell you, it was wrong. I define myself as God's children, His beloved daughter, his favorite princess. I am worthy and precious to Him. It might be right that I was not good enough BUT not in God's eyes. That's not what He sees me.

You can get me wrong if you want. But good or bad memories today will soon to pass and I am thankful for both. It teaches me and allows me to grow. Lessons form the past are experiences. I define myself as real as me.

So, to have a relationship with God in the name of Jesus, I charge you the past, stay not in the present. Whether good or bad memories, I let you go now and I do not want you to stay in the present anymore. Let me repeat it again whether you are good or bad memories, I thank you and appreciated it. Now is what I want. Now is the most important to me. Now is everything I can have. This is the only one thing I can have and I am not letting go. God is everything.

I cannot let go of God and I won't. You know that I will not.

Seek first the kingdom of God

Excerps from the Prayers of Soren Kierkegaard. A central theme of Kierkegaard’s writings is that of willing one thing. That one thing for Kierkegaard was to seek first the kingdom of God, to remain committed to God in all that he did.

This week I simplify my life with one thing, knowing that all I need will be added to me. Seeking God is filled with promises and pain. The pain I have experienced in the past as a result of seeking God.