Hope can be restored

Not succeed today--try again tomorrow! 

Maybe it's the third, the fourth, the fifth...time you try, who cares? God has given me many chances, a lot of opportunity and I have tried ton of new things, traveled to many cities in the world and many more to come. I seem to enjoy it a lot, too! and I am grateful. 

God knows my inner thoughts so I don't have to hide anything. People my age are feeling stuck, not everyone, but especially my friends. They are longing for something to fulfill them. Something that can satisfy their souls, somethings last forever. Some know Who can fill their cups, some don't. But the invitation is freely given. It is given to all of us. The invitation to the kingdom of God-for those who seek, they will find. I love sharing God's love and what He has done in my life, I also love hearing what God has done in other people's lives too! Without Him, I am just a dead body walking. 

If you experience any kind of loss, and feel hopeless. You are not alone. I lost almost everything the past few years. I am starting right where I used to start again and it's okay. Never give up. 

Hope can be restored. 

Come back to the place of safety
All you prisoners who still have hope!
I promise this very day
that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles. -Zechariah 9:12

It can be renewed.

Led by the Holy Spirit

I am transitioning and things are going well than I expected. The Holy Spirit ministered to me through a friend of mine before I returning home and this is how it went and still goes.
At the end of Friday night meeting, I was worshiping, facing down, my friend started to speak in tongue while he was praying and patting on my back. I felt the Holy Spirit moved and it was comforting like He was  saying to me that "It's going to be okay" After the meeting, my friend told me that he felt God speaking to him to pray for me and prayed in spirit that's it's going to be okay! 


I love the work of the Holy Spirit, you don't need to speak in the same language. My friend is Korean, by the way.


I am ridiculously happy, enjoying the city of Angel, of course this is Bangkok! God keeps surprising me since I landed and the fact that I thought I couldn't live in Bangkok anymore was not true. I am so in love with God  
and it doesn't matter where I am or go. I just love to be in His presence and I greatly desire to go and be with Christ but He has not done with me yet so I still have to live and trust that my life and my journey with Jesus will bring glory and honor to God.
I live to bring praise to Him and the Holy Spirit always helps me when I don't know what to do. 


Little Miss Sunshine:)














(Reflecting on Philippians 1 and my life after re-entry)

Against All Odds

My third book I've read this year. 

When I was reading this book, I thought that Jim was writing about part of my life, too. For example, Life took on new meaning since I arrived at 228 where my dorm is. Something he was saying like, “I had a strong feeling that I was on the right track. I was acutely aware that I was embarking on a new beginning. It was great to be on the move with God again.”  It is exactly how I feel but he knows just how to put it into the right words. There are principles  I thought it’s always true and I can use and apply in everyday life. I have noticed that’s exactly the same principles for all ywamers do. Ask God, Seek Him, what does He say? Then do it, obedience is the key. To do what God has called you to do. Walking with God in obedience, it’s not always easy but He is faithful and His promises are true. He will never leave you or forsake you. You have to get it right. Follow His lead and the rest will follow. 

It seemed difficult right where it started before coming here. There’s no money in my bank account to even pay for anything but everything is possible when God is in it. If it is God’s call, He will provide, money will come. It’s not my job to worry. This is not my original plan, if He wants this for me, He will work it out. He will make the way, everything will happen not for my own sake but for His glory. I do my part, anything that’s possible. I ask, I seek, I hear what He wanted me to do and I do it. When nothing happens, pray and pray harder, and pray some more. Pray until something happens. The author and I thought about the same thing, we thought we have lost everything and all of control of our lives. I feel like cheeky God was saying as Jim wrote on his book, “ GOOD!, you have lost control because I am in control! You are here because I brought you here. Trust me and keep going.” 

God is always enough. He is more than faithful enough to never fail. He is more than powerful enough to provide. He is more than loving to do it.

God can use anyone, if you let Him...
Trust and Obey

Dislocated shoulder

I remember that morning very well. We were up for morning exercise, having fun playing ultimate frisbee. I ran wholeheartedly to grab it, my beautiful bunk maid ran to the same direction, we smashed into each other and I was down. My physiologist friends came to check on me, I was fine, nothing has broken.

15 minutes later, I was walking and arggggg!!! I saw my bone on my shoulder popped to the front where it shouldn’t be. Everyone just left, there was me on the field, I held my breath and my right arm, walking as fast as I could to catch my classmate who was going to cross the street. I called him as I was laying down on the ground, fainted, hurt, and couldn’t move. I heard they called the ambulance, I heard they prayed over me. The ambulance came, they gave me something to inhale, smell not very pleasant. They called me but I didn’t answer. I didn't know when I arrived the hospital, I was half awake half sleep. The nurse gave me morphine, x-ray and x-ray an another x-ray, and I was waiting patiently for the doctor. During that process, they kept asking me the same questions over and over and over and over again and all I could think was “ just pop it back and stop asking me, I am freaking in pain”  but I could not do that, all I did was answering their questions with small breathing in and out and having light headed. Morphine was working! It also felt very comforting when the nurses were around but when they left, the sadness was entering in and I suddenly felt the presence of God and his whisper, “Daddy is here, don’t be afraid, daddy is here” So I talked to Him, “ Help me, for I don’t like being so much in pain like this, put me to death would be easier but if you want me to live, I don’t want to live with pain, help me!”

“Have patience” I believed the Holy Spirit tried to communicate to me that moment. 

God is my comforter.

I was still waiting for the doctor, it was the worst part..but the best part was the morphine that kept me high. Doctor came in, finally, praise the Lord! She talked to me and popped my shoulder back within 5 minutes. The nurse came after to give me instructions. I didn’t really know what was going on. Hayley, the staff who was there the whole time, I told her that Matt. 10:10 became real to me that morning, not because of morphine, but God came to give me life and to live it to the fullest!

A week later after I dislocated my shoulder, it has been really rough. I am right handed and now I have only left hand to do everything. It’s pretty challenging to eat with left hand. I overdid everything and refused to ask for help while my classmates were taking a very good care of me. I was being so hard on myself. I was sad, lonely and waiting patiently for God to answer why everything was taken away from me. One day, He spoke to me directly, “Because I want to give myself to you, Ja” It was a mind blowing revelation for me. That night, He became my lover. His love is like fire and all I want to do is to fall more in love with Him.

The next day He gave me a word “ Receive” He wanted me to receive all that He has for me.

I’m being nice to myself now and receiving help from others. God has helped me to overcome the frustration of having one hand and unable to do things as I used to do.

He is my helper.

In awe of God.

When is the last time you stood in awe of the Lord?

Me: Long time ago maybe 2 years ago until today!

I was blown away by His beauty, His goodness, His awesomeness, His loving and kindness. I looked into the sky, it was like the clouds were performing just for me (and maybe others who looked into the same thing)

That moment...when I wanted more and more of God. God's splendor. God's glory bright, light up over the horizon.

It's S P E C T A C U L A R!

It's really hard to explain when you stand in awe of the Lord. It's just, I don't know, all I know is God cares for me so much, and so very very very much!

Glory be to God. He can have it all.

Compassion DTS : Week 2

I am not a morning person. I wake up sleepily at 5.30am because some people are getting ready to go for a run before 6am morning exercise as it’s scheduled. I always have a hard time going to bed. The light and the noise are not friendly. They keep me and wake me up easily. Getting 6 hours of sleep makes it hard to focus in lectures and unable to cope or functioning well most of the time in the morning plus having bread for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch every day, my body says uh-oh. Morning choirs is at 8am-8.30am then worship and lectures until 12.30pm in order. It’s pretty rough and in rush every morning.

Shall I keep complaining? I hope not. 

I don't have a job, got no money, 3 meals are provided. I should be thankful, therefore, I am thankful and I've learned to be content whatever circumstances. (Philippians 4: 11-12)

January 18th, 2012

My classmates and I are keeping each other’s company, praying for one another. We also give hugs, at least a shoulder for another to lean on. We walk hand in hand when one can barely walk. I am independent. For me, 24/7 doing stuff with people around all the time is killing me. I have free time at 3.30-5.30pm which I can spend time with Jesus alone somewhere around the base. It’s really good to have a quiet time and I found that after spending time with God at least 2 hours, my mind, my thoughts, my emotions, everything changes. It’s drifting from whatever to God and the rest of my day went pretty well since I focused on Him. It should definitely be in the morning before starting the day. I know. I’m working on it.

We are learning about the nature and character of God this week. We are here to pursue God, to seek Him, to get to know him more and more, and to make Him known. Who is God? What does He look like? I should have known Him, right? No, I don’t. Every day, I discover Him a bit more and I don’t think I fully know about Him yet. It’s still an ongoing journey. One day, I found the revelation about being with Him no matter what circumstances, hot or cold weather, rich or poor. I was happy just to be with Him. The next day, nothing has happened, another day there’s still nothing. What’s that? One day during the  class, our guess speaker brought this up and he said. “It’s okay, just press on, keep pressing on no matter what.”

January 19th, 2012

Yesterday, I was very tired, exhausted, crumpy, lousy oh whatever words you can find it fit in. Something has happened when I got to my work duty at 1.30pm on time. I was told that I was late 10 minutes and I should be there at 1.20pm. Should I be informed in advance, shouldn’t I?  She prayed for me before start working then left. What the heck! Another revelation here after an hour processing everything. Fixing my eyes on God. Don’t take anything too personal. They are human being, just as I am. Something has been changing. It’s shifting like the light shines on and the darkness is gone. I felt light again, not to carrying the weight of whatever that just happened. Something was stirring up, I had to paint and I got my painting named

“Gazing upon God’s beauty”

Today, morning sucks as usual, morning exercise, hurry in shower, a bunch of people in the kitchen waiting and making breakfast, morning choirs, sleepy in the lectures, skipped lunch, ran to post office to get children check done for hands on compassion but it didn't work out, the bus came late, I was late for work duty, very hungry, tired, weather is hot and the sun is super strong.

I sat down and asked God to reveal Himself to me, have mercy  on me.

It’s a beautiful day, I would say when I gazed on the beauty of God.

Something has been happening here...

A new Adventure

I am leaving for DTS in Perth tomorrow. I need to write this, at least, to remind myself of what God has done in my life so far.

He is wonderful.
He is amazing.
He is faithful.
He hears my cry.
He comforts me.
He is good all the time.
He is caring.
He understands.
He is Father.
He is a friend.
He loves me.
He blesses me.
He is everything.

He means so much to me. I am nothing without Him. It feels really good to be able to release everything in the past, yesterday included (for better or worse moments are left where it belongs)

I choose to stay here and now.

I am not my own since I have given my whole life to God, with all I have, yes, broken pieces too! He loves it, seriously!

If we were married ( He and me), it did get really better and better.

IT DOES GET BETTER.
GOD AND I.
STATUS : IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Grace be with you.

Focus on God

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” Matthew 16:25


I just want to cry, not because I am sad but I am so happy as I realize how I am loved, and how God views me as precious one. He loves me that much.


I finally understand that...all things work together for gooooood. My eyes...when they focus on God and His promises, not problems, not circumstances. God is what matters most. Love more, give more...that's all.


Jesus is a good example. He could do so many things but He chose to do what the Father wanted him to do.


And I am following...Him.

I am ready to obey

1am in the morning as I am still awake unusually...

Hmmm, here comes the thought that I own nothing..even my life belongs to God and why I am thinking I lost everything. Money is not mine, x-boyfriend is not mine, the apartment is not mine, nothing is mine. Everything belongs to God. God owns everything.

Wow...,I feel so light right now. The best is God's purpose for me at the present moment as I feel that I have nothing right now but God. Period!

God wanted to have a relationship with me and I know he has longed for that. Now with His help, I shall not only become myself but also His and I wanted to have a relationship with Him. Another period!

I'm giving a credit to Mike Foster for this blog as I follow him on twitter and tonight he posted this, "Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." I was a big fan of the past (in a good way) I mean we were good friends, we had good memories together and good friends chatted about the past sometimes (in a good way) until at some point, as of now, I think I don't want the past to stay in the present since we have not had any good memories lately. As the past is past, but I let it become a leech sucking my present, my joy. The past that was telling me, I was not good enough. hahaha, it thought it would win but let me tell you, it was wrong. I define myself as God's children, His beloved daughter, his favorite princess. I am worthy and precious to Him. It might be right that I was not good enough BUT not in God's eyes. That's not what He sees me.

You can get me wrong if you want. But good or bad memories today will soon to pass and I am thankful for both. It teaches me and allows me to grow. Lessons form the past are experiences. I define myself as real as me.

So, to have a relationship with God in the name of Jesus, I charge you the past, stay not in the present. Whether good or bad memories, I let you go now and I do not want you to stay in the present anymore. Let me repeat it again whether you are good or bad memories, I thank you and appreciated it. Now is what I want. Now is the most important to me. Now is everything I can have. This is the only one thing I can have and I am not letting go. God is everything.

I cannot let go of God and I won't. You know that I will not.

Seek first the kingdom of God

Excerps from the Prayers of Soren Kierkegaard. A central theme of Kierkegaard’s writings is that of willing one thing. That one thing for Kierkegaard was to seek first the kingdom of God, to remain committed to God in all that he did.

This week I simplify my life with one thing, knowing that all I need will be added to me. Seeking God is filled with promises and pain. The pain I have experienced in the past as a result of seeking God.

DTS

I'm going to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School) in Perth.

Dis-ci-ple-ship n. to turn all people into fully devoted, mature followers of Christ. I don't know if I got the right definition BUT if it is, then those who did a  DTS before me, they just made me one of them.

This is scary, honestly, I don't have money. Early this year, I invested into business and it failed.

My one and only relationship-failed terribly so far.

I got a new job-thankfully-it drains me out.

Here goes my story where the Holy Spirit leads..

Above all else, I thank you, Amy my sister who told me that I should do a DTS since last year.

I refused.

After the break-up, I thought about it but I didn't do it.

April this year, Isaiah 61 really spoke to my heart...

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives..."

Again, I still said "no"

But after NewSong retreat last week- The Holy Spirit moved again but this time I said "YES" to the unknown future I can only trust Him and I am devoted to give all of me to Him. As I mentioned, I invested into a business but failed, my one and only relationship with my first boyfriend-failed. I just feel like I have nothing left BUT God and I realize that God is ENOUGH for me. I have prayed this week and feel led to do a DTS as I started to recognize His voice. And I am following Him.

So, here I am. 

Actually, I was scared at first to ask people for support but if it was what God had for me then He would make away. I sent out emails to my friends about what I was going to do and just over night, I was going to have a heart attack how God answered my prayers FAST! I've got 4 people financially support me to do a DTS.

Money is not a problem for God. He took my heart, a broken one and provided me what I needed. He gave me a new life. I did nothing. I just sin. Ha! Painful truth. He loves me more than anything. 

Listen carefully to the Holy Spirit. Do what He says, go where He leads.

When you have nothing to lose. Put all trust in the Lord. 

And the last thing you can do- HAVE FAITH!

Kolkata, India

If you find it's difficult to pray, ask Him again and again: Jesus, come into my heart; pray in me and with me that I may learn from you how to pray. Don't search for Jesus in far lands. He is not there. He is close to you; He is with you. Just keep the lamp burning and you will always see Him. Keep on filling the Lamp with all these little drops of love, and you will see how sweet is the Lord you love. -Mother Teresa.

Here is my heart.

You can have it all, Lord.

I am very tired of wanting things. Without you, I am nothing.

So you can make me and mold me now. Anything that you want, Lord.

I pray.

Psalms 51:10

If a man's life is what his thoughts make of it. If so, then create in me a clean (pure) heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10)

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I have been wrestling with God recently and He always wins!

The essence of which is never give up; never give in; stand up to it-fight it through. God will aid you.

"Will you be a hero, or will you be a coward?" "Will you be tough-minded or tender-minded?"

The positive thinker will not be a coward. He believes in himself, in life, in humanity, and in God. He knows his own capacity and his own ability. He is undaunted and invincible. He will draw the best from whatever comes.

God will get you through. Just have a little sincere faith to face all situations.

More Love, More Power

More Love, More Power,
More of You in my life.
More Love, More Power,
More of You in my life.
I will worship You
with all of my heart.
I will worship You
with all of my mind.
I will worship You
with all of my strength.
For You are my Lord.

My self-esteem.

I made a mistake, but everyone does. It's part of learning and growing.

"I know how you feel. It's terrible to want something so much and not find it, and it's so awkward standing around trying to strike the right air, and all the time feeling so rejected. I guess most women feel the same as you do. But you know, you have a lot going for you. It was very brave of you to go, especially feeling as vulnerable as you do. I think if you keep on trying, eventually you will meet someone. These things usually take time and effort and persistence. I really think you have a lot to offer the right person, and if you persist in looking, you will find him."

I was no longer terrified at the thought of being alone.
I was secure in my ability to take care of myself.
I was no longer afraid to be myself for fear my man would leave, because I now knew I could stand alone.

I feel warm, alive and happy and very good about myself. I feel wonderful and special. I feel like the kind of person to whom good things happen, I feel worthy of getting all the good things that life has to offer. It feels like the world is smiling at me.

Happy New Year 2011

Dear Melbourne,

It’s been a great year for me and my spiritual journey (I know it’s going to be a long one)

Q: why Melbourne?
A:Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how I grow.

I know now that nothing can ever get me down again because my God is not a poor workman. He saved me. He made life hard or it’s already hard I don’t know but to be sure He wants me to know that He will help…

Difficulties are growth stimulators.

God is the strength that keeps me walking. His unconditional love has no limits. I’ve learned to reckon with God every moment and let Him be my source of direction and inspiration.

I am called to be satisfied exclusively with Him. He wants me not to look at things I want. He wants me to keep looking upon Him. He wants me to be content so I would be able to experience the love that exemplifies my relationship with Him and this is perfect love.

He wants me to know that He loves me. He is almighty. I believe and am satisfied.

Thank you Melbourne, I haven’t had enough of you yet and praise to be God. I am doubled grateful.

Happy New (joys)Year 2011.

Christmas #1 : Life after a break-up

This sounds paradoxical:)

My first break-up was a very painful one, on the other hand, it was the very best that happened to me.

My past passion is dead now let it rest in peace. 5 days before Christmas. It didn't take me long to figure it out what was it all about. Praise God for a brand new start. Tonight, it was God knocking at my door saying, "Hello, can I come in?" and I had two choices. 1) Tell him to go away because I wanted to be alone or 2) Let him in and savation is forever mine. (Revelation 3:20)

I am being patient with myself. This sounds strange to me. The heartbreak always heals after a while and I am giving myself time. Sadness will go away actually it's gone because I am not depressed. I know I am not because if I am, I won't be able to write things down as I am doing it now. I shouldn't think about what happened. I do everything that take my mind off the negative feelings.
I am giving myself-esteem a boost. I sleep a lot, I eat healthy and excercise. Man, I do love myself. And God loves me. That's all I can remember.

This is a relationship that lasts forever--with God. In Him alone, I always find hope. Believe me, this the greatest gift of all.

Jesus rocks my world this Christmas (again)

Amen to that.

God Wants A Better Future for You-After the breakup

Jeremiah 29:11 - “I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.”

If God led you into a breakup, you should rejoice – it means that God has a better plan for you, a plan “for peace”, and a future “filled with hope”. It is a powerful feeling, to communicate with God and see your life changed for the better. It is essential to the Christian experience to commune with our Creator this way. If you’re a follower of Jesus Christ and you want to grow closer to God, you have help when it comes to making decisions about your personal life. Seek God’s wisdom, and the guided wisdom of those older and wiser than you, and your breakup will have God’s blessing.

Amen-